The only way to understand what it is to be human is to know what it is like to be not human. In this talk we will explore the minds of our closest relatives; bonobos and chimpanzees, and dogs – our closest friend. We will look at how these animals help us understand what makes us human, and how our minds came to be. We will arrive at the idea that it was friendliness that powerfully shaped both the bodies and minds of bonobos and dogs during their evolution. We will then consider if our own species evolved due to selection for friendliness. I will argue that comparing our friendly nature to other animals solves the paradox of human kindness and cruelty and points to the need for cross-group friendships to encourage a friendlier future.